This is an important question:
How many squares of toilet paper do you use per wipe?
At home I typically use 3. I feel this is the optimum amount for safe coverage without being too wasteful:
I personally think the “ball-up-and-scrunch” method for wiping is not only inefficient and wasteful…..but also less comfortable and gives a more unreliable wipe.
I personally like to fold one end till the 1/6th mark first:
Then I take that remaining 1/6th as a “handle” and fold it back over:
This 3-Square-Stack is the right size and density for maximum comfort, efficiency, and economy. In public I’ll use 4-5 squares per stack depending on ply thickness.
In public, the goal is often to get OUT of the restroom quick as possible.
So to shave a full minute off time, I invented this new method about 2 years ago, and I believe it’s an innovation in toilet paper folding technology:
I will “pre-prepare” these folded stacks of toilet paper during downtime, so when cleanup time comes, I’m ready to go without doing any additional pulling and folding!! Generally 6 stacks are sufficient:
In a public restroom you don’t have much clean space, so I rest these stacks in the safe confines of my clothing:
I’m not sure if they award Nobel Peace Prizes for innovations like this, but please recommend me in the upcoming vote.
I once encountered a person who said they wrap their hand in toilet paper for each wipe?? I called the cops on them immediately for this egregious waste:
We’re trying to live in a society here people….
So….how many squares of toilet paper do YOU use per wipe?
Leave your answer in the comments below!
Sincerely,
Neville
P.S. It’s totally understandable if you use a fake name in the comments!
P.P.S. While it’s ok to be descriptive, please try not to use much graphic language or be too gross.
P.P.P.S. Example responses might include:
– “3 squares.”
– “6 on the first, 3 on the rest.”
– “I only use Japanese toilets and therefore need none.”
P.P.P.P.S. Want to see a visual representation of everyone’s answers?
You can see them all in this Google Spreadsheet:
I’m astounded by the ammount people say to use. I use 2!
Here we use one neck of a white goose per sitting… TP is sooo plebeian.
3-4 squares, folded so it’s 6-8 thick. Only wipe twice and always have clean underwear
Thank you for posting this. Had to check because I have personally NEVER clogged a toilet and my wife is a “baller” and she clogs the pot pretty much once a month
Wow don’t judge her too harshly. Wiping for girls is physically different. And you have a lot more moisture to absorb first.
I used to live next door to a Pakistani family. They went on holiday to Pakistan for six weeks.
When they got back they said how grateful they were to have toilet roll. They said they had to use stones in Pakistan. Moral, don’t collect pretty stones in Pakistan.
8…
But now, our relationship changed x-D
I wrap 2 squares of Charmin around a wad of 3-4 squares of single ply. It gives me a good thickness and absorbency, but is more economical than using just Charmin — and easier than when I used to separate the 2-ply TP for the center to give it extra fluffiness. Wow, this sounds super-weird.
“Ball up and scrunch”, what a visual…
I don’t count squares. I just yank off what I need and do the job. And I am a wadder not a folder. I know, I know, you said that was uncivilized but uncivilized I guess I’ll be.
2, generally about 4 times
Usually around 6. It also depends on the quality of the toilet paper. I also take a lot of water so I visit the ladies room quite often.
I use too much of the product than most. A weakness on my part am afraid!
I never count the squares – I usually wrap it 3 times around my hand. So maybe that’s about six squares.
NEVILLE – I’m loving this content man LOL
All toilets in Saudi Arabia has water nozzle, kinda like the Japanese, so no squares. maybe one to dry up.
Well, I start off by using the number #6 folded stack. I’m through when it comes to the wiping, also making sure that nothing is left behind. (well YOU now!)
I heard somebody say you should only use one square…I think about that way too much. I’m more of a 3-5…depending! I love the thought you put into it.
Normally just 4 but depending on the outcome circa 10 more…
Usually 3 squares 😊.
3
3 unless the toilet paper is thick, in which, 2
I feel like you’re over thinking it, man. Just train yourself to get out of bed every morning, be vertical for about 5 minutes with your favorite morning beverage, then go take care of business.
Afterwards, just get the damn thing passable and take a shower to get that fresh feeling!
Never crap in a public toilet unless things are really going sideways down there, then you won’t have to have a special calculation with prison toilet paper.
This is not an option for many people. For instance people with crohns or UC…
I had to reply – this is one of those things that should be talked about, just like the space you save when you fold underwear! It’s just so practical! I’m not OCD, but when I find methods that work best, I stand by them.
I start with 3 squares and then proceed with 2 as necessary. I pre-tear them (usually 1 3, and 2 2s, and lay them on my leg), but don’t usually pre fold. To fold the 3s I hold one end between my thumb and index finger and wrap the tail end around my hand to quickly fold it … but I don’t leave it wrapped around my hand. I just fold the 2s in half. After a wipe, fold in half to get at least 2 wipes out of one stack (sometimes fold again to get 3 wipes; and if you’re feeling confident, try to get two wipes on one side by using more towards one corner so the other corners stay clean).
In public and with single ply (which people buy because it doesn’t wreak as much havoc on their septic systems as Charmin does) I basically just use however much looks like it makes the same thickness as my 3 and 2 stacks. I also roll out about 2 ft and toss it, unrolled, into the toilet beforehand to act as a noise reducer when there are neighbors.
2 of 2 ply
Lol what does this have to do with kopywriting? Grand plan? ;)
Depends. At home with double-ply, usually 5 squares. If it’s #2 I’m dealing with, a follow-up with 1-2 more 4-5 square wipes to ensure all’s clear down below.
Public toilets with that flimsy single-ply crappy paper? About 5-6 feet on the first pass.
Yeah I don’t understand why public places have 1-ply, because then people use like THREE TIMES MORE TP.
I know the rolls are cheaper, but in the end it must cost more??
This seems like something we should investigate…
You clearly don’t know how to use the 3 clam shells…
Sylvester Stallone never taught me :-/
2 – 3 ft. of TP per wipe, with at least 6 wipes typically
GOOD LORD.
Think I’ve identified the cause of global warming here…
:-P
I try to time my dumps so that I enjoy them right before I take a shower. I’ll sit down, pull up something inspirational from Neville to read and then evacuate the waste after which I roll off about two feet of TP. Sometimes only one use does the trick, sometimes several are needed. When I’m mostly to all clean I jump in the shower where I rinse my nether regions with a blast of warm water from a handheld showerhead to complete the cleaning. If you suffer from itching in that area then I suggest using an unscented plain white TP and rinsing.
I’m just here for shits and giggles!
3 for me.
I did have a good pun about toilet paper but it’s tearable!
HA HO!!
I see what you did there 😏
A crap load of squares.
So punny!
Evidently Neville, you have some reason for putting this blog out there…just want you to know that I read part of it and didn’t finish it because it wasn’t worth my time. :)
But you still left a comment?? Ha!
Believe it or not there’s a rhyme and reason to this latest line of questions :)
I figured you had something in mind. :)
Redneck bidet.
Use the hand held shower, hang your backside over the tub, wash away.
Cue the jokes about on a roll. low or high rollers, etc.etc.
Reminds me of the funniest meme seen this week…
“When you’re shitting an Anaconda and the last half inch detaches from your soul” accompanied by a pic of a female face in total ecstasy.
Ok, now you’re just checking to see who’ll read anything and answer any question posed.
Answer. Depends on the thickness/softness ratio of the available tissue. Enough to not be my hand, 4ish.
The Redneck Bidet is actually a good idea……
Everytime I go out I always bring with me a small bag of wet wipes because I had this incident once where I had to “do my business” in a public restroom and there was no toilet paper available.
I walked out of the restroom with one sock on. I HAD NO OTHER CHOICE!
Anyway, I prefer wet wipes than toilet paper because the moist is a great help with the cleaning and it’s a lot thicker than the regular toilet paper. I use at least 3 sheets.
BAHAHAHAHA! Wet Wipes are great. I wish all TP was Wet Wipes!
I don’t have a square to spare.
Japanese toilet here. Well, 1-3 just to keep things clean. But now I’m wondering about the REAL purpose behind this Q/post.
Bonus points for Seinfeld reference!
Also you’re living the dream, I can’t believe that Japanese toilets haven’t caught on in the US yet.
Ewwwwwww . Toilet paper is so 20th century.. I use a bidet.
Now young Nev, what is this experiment you are running on us :)
So, do you just drip dry afterwards? Don’t you need to dry off?
There is a purpose to it!!
Normally at home:
I use 9 at first (3 x 3)
Then 7.5 for my second (2.5×3)
If it’s a situation that requires liquid support, I go 9, 2 wet, then 9 again, then a 7.5.
If it’s cold, I use 9-11 more (3×3 or 4×2+3) to cover the toilet seat.
If it’s a public restroom without the toilet seat cover, I use 18-22 (double fold the above).
—-
On top of all of this, I add 5-6 sheets to the bowl to avoid the splash.
(Poseidon’s Kiss)
For European toilets (where there’s not a lot of water, it’s usually 3-4.
The above is for quality toilet paper such as Charmin or those generic-based Charmin competitors. For the thin single-ply, estimates go drastically up. Haven’t done that too often so I can’t recall exact numbers.
–
I hope this helps someone optimize their toilet habits without the long, laboring research I already spent on the matter.
Tell Ernst I say hey lol
…I forgot to mention, somehow, that I also pre-fold these.
…and I forgot to mention that the reason I go 9 (3×3) is because after a good, long, comforting and large-spanning wipe with adjusted friction and force based on the stickiness of the poop (you want to go just hard enough to not break the TP, of course), after that, I fold it over and get a second wipe in, as I do with the 7.5, giving me a net total of 4 wipes (sometimes 5 if I get 3 good ones out of one of those two stacks).
That gets me to 9+7.5= (16.5) total sheets vs your 6×3= (18). If you choose to give it a go, give it 5-6 runs before you decide, and let me know what you think. I’m going to go try yours out right now.
Hahahaha I totally feel this and believe in your math.
GOOD LORD thassalotta TP!!!
Also this is a very extensive calculation. I think it can be an entire post for the National Toilet Paper Association!
I’ve never heard of adding TP before-hand to avoid splash-age, that’s a very clever thing.
Unfortunately, the older I am getting, the more I seem to use… Generally 5 on first and 3 on subsequent.
That seems pretty pretty normal, I’d say you’re still doing well!!
Can you come teach this 3 square method to my toddler? She prefers 24 squares, balled up.
My personal strategy is four squares, or baby wipes, until I purchase one of those Tushy bidet attachments.
If you don’t have a pack of environmentally- friendly wipes on the back of your toilet yet, prepare to have your life changed. Totally 80/20’s your wiping experience.
Yeah I think kids think a basketball-sized ball is the best method.
Make sure to teach the 1/6th method to her!
2 at home and 4 at public toilet ))) But I like 3…
Just use as much as you need bro. Keep that butt clean naw mean?
Bahahah good advice Jasper!
At home I use quality paper so 2 squares at a time. Usually x 3. Great post will be interesting to see how many respond. And much better than being concerned at the goings on of politicians. Cheers david
Oh wow 2? That’s cutting it pretty close. Very efficient however!
Bidet all the way! Jk, as much as I need to get the job done. Then I use wet wipes afterwards to get that “extra clean” feel.
Oh wow, you’re getting to hospital-grade clean!
Really?! Just get the job done, that’s all.
hahahahaha! Brilliant, love your work Nevman
I also use 3 squares, as the perfect trade off between comfort and environmental management!
Prepping during ‘downtime’ is a fascinating idea :D
4 times 2. This is the weirdest blog post I’ve ever seen. Congratulations.
Bahahhaha, made you respond though right?
Sometimes you gotta push the limits to test stuff. The car post and blog post got like 7X as many comments as this one 😂
So glad you didn’t ask for video replies. Great copy!
Hahaha
OMG…..that would be a nightmare :-P
Generally 10-15, but I’m in Asia right now and they have little toliet hoses to help you out. Makes your time on the bowl and conserving paper much easier :)
JUST WIPE, WIPE, WIPE, CHECK THEN WIPE, WIPE, CHECK WIPE- THEN AM DONE SO I REALLY DON’T KNOW HOW MANY SQUARES I HAVE USED… ALL IS DONE I PRE-FOLDS…..
4 on average myself
That’s a good average. Not too little, but not too much.
Here we use water not toilet paper.
Yup, there’s some advantages and disadvantages to that method. I think the Japanese have us all beat on toilet technology though!
3 squares at least ;)
Yeah anything less and you’re getting into the danger zone 😐
Three squares on the first go-round, two on the second
That’s quite efficient!
As many as it takes!
Yes, that is good advice 😛
I didn’t use toilet paper… In India most of the ppl use water instead of paper and all…
Yes I am very familiar :)
There’s some distinct advantages and disadvantages to both systems!
I personally use the Eatons Catalogue in my outhouse.
PS this is brilliant copy
PPS you win the Nobel Piece Prize
Bahahha…..thank you for this prestigious honor :)
Depends on the quality (how many ply and size of the sheets) of the paper!! Single ply about 5?
Hmmm…..single ply is tricky. Not even sure why that junk exists :-/
I have no idea. I never count squares. I just fold over a comfortable amount & go to town. However, you pre-folding your TP in advance on your downtime Neville to save a minute is pretty anal.
Apparently you musta had an ‘a-ha’ moment sitting on the can to come up w/ this topic of diskussion.
I mean, it’s a pretty brilliant method…..try it and it will change your life.
Toilet paper? I use the carpet, naturally. A small video demonstration “attached” above.
Bahahhaha, I love that scene!!
I have no idea, as my butler does it for me, with squares of silk, and I have no idea what happens to it afterwards.
You have a Butt Butler?? That’s a true sign of wealth.
I’m personally a 5-squares per wipe kinda guy.
I’ve never really measures before. More testing is required. Estimated 18 squares
as many as it needs to get the job done