Check out this old-timey looking photograph:
It’s supposed to be a picture representation of unemployment.
But honestly the reason this guy is still unemployed might be because he’s a terrible copywriter!!
Look at his sign again. It’s filled with ME ME ME ME.
It’s all about HIM.
It’s trying to use some sob-story to get someone to hire him. As if someone owes him employment just because he has kids.
If someone’s an employer, they don’t care about this…they care about:
“What can YOU do for ME?”
Well, lemme apply some Photoshop and Kopywriting skills to this picture of Old Unemployed Uncle Joe and see if we can help him out:
AHH!! Much better!!
Remember, next time you’re writing something, don’t sit down like Old Unemployed Uncle Joe here and talk about YOURSELF and YOUR problems and what YOU need.
“But don’t people need to hear about ME a little?”
Yes. There is lots of reasons to talk about yourself. Let’s take a financial advisor as an example.
Look at this guy. His website says:
Now this almost sounds a little scammy, because we don’t know anything about this guy!
But what if the webpage included a few more details including some social proof like this:
Even with scammy sounding copy like this, a few things about the person/company help make you think this might be more legit.
So people do want to hear about you, but mainly because they want to know working with you is good…..FOR THEM.
Next time you’re writing copy, focus on how you can help the other person, and you’ll get a much better response every time.
I think this is a very cute way of illustrating the subject matter. But when we compare writing 50 years ago with what we might write today why are we only talking about text. For example where the guy mentions on his sign that he has 3 children why not put pictures of the little darlings? Messages & certainly emotions can more easily be conveyed with images no?
Thank you, Neville. :)
Boss Trader
Neville,
Many thanks for this post. Such a simple point, but a powerful lesson for copywriters.
I’ll be applying this to some work I have coming up with a client this month.
Thank YOU for your time and effort!
Keep on the good job!
Much appreciated Astghik!
Thank you, Neville. I love your way of re-writing a copy. I learn a lot from you.
You’re welcome Gudda, glad you like this style. Hopefully it helps you re-write better copy in your own life!
Hi Nevil,
I have already seen many copywriters but I honestly admit your examples are far the easiest to understand and very very useful! Thank you for your great work! :) With love, Erika
Thanks Erika! I hope some of the examples have helped :)
Hi Neville, your examples are the best…whenever i read them, i say to myself, yeah sounds much better, why didn’t i think of that. I’m new to copywriting and i love learning, thanks!
Well glad you’re learning from these examples Penny! More are coming too :)
I imagine he would’ve gotten a few job offers that very day with the new pitch. :-)
Eye-catching and worthy post. Don’t forget to double check your spelling. Any misspelled words detract from your professional message and aura of expertise. In this case, you missed the mark on Sergeant. You typed Seagent instead.
I loved this! Although I’m not in copywriting technically, your blog and advice is always in mind while I write my blogs and newsletters.
I LOVE this. On so many levels. The “WIIFM” question is something I try to share with the professional artists I consult who always craft their “about” page with “me, me, me, I, I, I, did this, this, this.”
Nev, you’re brilliant. And your emails are some of the few I actually subscribe to (and read and save)!
Hi Neville, I lately work for a Gujarati company which deals with premium sofas & chairs including imported Italian sofas and chairs.
Now, it’s been my 5th day with the company & I found it pretty unprofessional (though they have pan India presence & have their yearly turnover of billions of ₹).
Their tagline is “Ooh for the looks, Aah for the comfort”. Honestly, I find it pretty naive/irrelevant.
I have some other suggestions along with a print ad plan. I long to share it with you & want your opinion on it too.
Please let me know if I can :]
Good point Neville. People NEED to stop trying to guilt others into doing stuff for em.
Hello Abdul, I feel you, how it feels bad when we see bad designs, and bad copy!
But my friend I guess we need to understand that:
No matter how many rules the design or copy breaks, if it works it SIMPLY works. No arguments
I absolutely agree with the WIIFM. I’ve been using this when writing bios for rescue cats (I volunteer at a shelter in Philadelphia – anybody want a gorgeous grey declawed cat with an attitude?).
I’d also like to add something that I’m sure Neville drills into his own customers and students – the importance of context (or Kontext).
The fact that the man is out here with sign is creating a context for reading his “job wanted” ad. Simply by walking around with a “Job Wanted” sign suggests that he’s desperate and he wants to be rescued, completely contradicting the notion of a self-motivated, can-do person.
In my building I sometimes find menus from restaurants slipped under my door; we’re very urban and we get a lot of meal deliveries, so the restaurants take the opportunity to distribute menus. Finding a menu under my door creates a nuisance and makes me wonder if they’re any good; in fact the worst restaurants tend to do this.
Your brand creates a context, too. We read differently if we’ve heard the name before.
Damn, you’re good at this.
As always, you force me to click the link in the mail and come to your site. I love your unique take on articles.
While selling our product/service, we forget the most basic thing:
We are not selling the offer. We are selling the value behind the offer.
Am I right, Neville?
If this was during the Great Depression (?)
It’s not cool to exploit this guy’s situation.. He was just trying to put bread on the table to feed his family
AND
There’s not much space for him to put all the information you wanted him to put
Here’s a modern day example of asking for a job with poor copy:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2256527/Employ-Adam-Pacitti-Unemployed-graduate-24-spends-500-billboard-advert-job.html
Interesting. Looking at his site he now has a job and got 60 solid job offers from the campaign. I guess some different advertising with bad copy is better than conventional or none at all.
New student post: Moving my writing from “all about me” to “what the reader expects to get” has been an interesting journey. Simple examples like this bring the point home easily, many thanks.
@Neville
I still wouldn’t give him a job even with your copy!
To start with your first touch point is not wififm or grabbing.
Mainly a skilled worker randomly walking down a non industrial area, is like a needle in a haystack.
If the guy doesn’t have the sense to find manufacturers and businesses that need metal workers et al, and then what use is he to my company?
I know that sounds flippant, but TARGETING is a major part of copywriting. “TELL PEOPLE WHO CARE, what they want to hear”.
Once this positioning to the correct audience is in place, now the REAL copy can take over.
How can my particular business benefit from this particular guys skills – which was more of your real point anyway.
“What’s in it for me” relies heavily on who the ME is!
This is a real problem with most peoples marketing, is that they don’t know who they are talking to, and/or how to reach and touch these people.
Tell a great message to people who don;t care (they are not the me) and you are wasting your short life.
Tell an even flakey message to someone with a real need, and you might at least get 7 seconds to ramp up their interest.
Marketing isn’t just copywriting. It’s matching peoples NEEDS and desires.
As you know, that’s an INTEGRAL part of copywriting. “Who the heck are you talking to?”
I appreciate the photo was just to make a point, but it raises the bigger point.
Thinking this guy will get a job with a better written (?) billboard on his back, for a skilled position, is a copy farce.
Great copy is about changing peoples minds, to transform the no to a yes.
If getting a job was as easy as saying what you can do for them, then we’d all have great jobs.
OK I’m off down my road to recruit more copywriters wearing billboards on their backs. Oh no, wait…
Best lesson in copywriting I’ve ever seen!
I freakin love this post Neville! Great job!! And you drew me in like a shark to chum!
I meant it came from another moment in history.
And of course I would interview him first before giving him a job :)
If I was hiring, there is no way I would hire the second “resume”. This hyped up self-assessed language gives no real information, except that the person knows the current “resume lingo”.
Fought in 3 wars or having 3 children gives me way way way necessary infor about that person …. And by the way I have written resumes like the first one and jobs were created for me even though I did not fit the advertised criteria.
There is value in kopy-writing, but kopy can also be a way to dehumanise and miss what is important.
***
Thanks for this important other viewpoint!
This picture can from another moment in history!
I don’t think this guy was being a victim. He was being ironical. I would hire him because he was taking a risk and trying to make people think.
David your observation is spot on. His message speaks to a An era that would’ve understood exactly what he meant.
Our comments are the equivalent of Monday morning quarterbacks thanks to the Internet chortles and twirling away now.
Really really good. Straight to the point post.
Im glad I subscribed to your emails :)
Thanks!
*poof*
BIGGEST MISTAKE MANY ADVERTISERS MAKE…
(and newbie copywriters…)
Yep… Forgot to list the contact information.
• No phone number…
• No website…
• No email address…
• No physical address
All the great copy changes in the world will NOT help this guy because you forgot the most important detail: HOW TO CONTACT HIM!
Back to the drawing board.
~Jonathan Dune
Direct Response Copywriter | Marketer
Two Comma Copy Pty Ltd
P.S. Proof reading and research would help as well.
P.P.S. Benefits are what something does for the reader. The changes listed are also NOT benefits, but features.
I wonder if making the offering in the last line more specific would be more effective for this dude?
i.e. Change “can help you with anything you need” to “will gladly help you with home or shop repairs” or “Can teach the rest of your workmen to work more productively”.
Such a direct and concise lesson on what hiring managers really think:
“What can you do for me?”
(and only then will I pay you).
¡Excellente!
so goooooood ! thanks
This is fucking hilariously brilliant. And true.
So you’re telling me that…
Hi, please subscribe to my blog because it would really help me out so I can be more successful with my blog about myself!
Isn’t going to work well, and I should say something like:
Hi, I heard you need help with XYZ and I happen to run a blog that can help you solve XYZ. Check it out and let me know if it helped you solve XYZ!
Or something to that effect?
:)
Makes a lot of sense, and it’s a strategy I’ve been trying to adopt in the online world. Seems to work pretty well!
Thanks for this!
-Gabe Johansson
P.S. My blog has nothing to do with math, I think.
It has been a while since i have seen such a short but compelling post.
The poor guy must have been thinking for hours about the concept of the 3’s, only to have it all backwards.
Cheers,
Jasper
Love your post – it illustrates the point perfectly – spelling mistakes and all. I got it! There are some good comments too – thanks all round.
Its a good reminder on why we are in business – for the customer!
TI found the following paragraph that addresses many people’s interactions with potential employers.
“So many students show me letters that accompany their job applications that speak only of how much they’ve dreamed of working for company XYZ and how much working for XYZ will mean to them. They seem to think that their desire to work for XYZ is sufficient to make XYZ desire them in turn. I always encourage the students to address their employer’s self-love and not just their humanity- – – to come up with some reason XYZ will benefit from hiring them. How would your skills serve the goals of XYZ? Do you have any idea what these goals are? The idea that other people care about themselves is generally a good thing to remember if you want them to do something for you in return.”
N
Classic! Worth printing out the before & after as a regular whack on the side of the head. We get crazy/busy/lazy & dash off emails & push out web pages that forget this.
Yesterday someone asked me to review an email he was sending out to approach someone for a biz deal. He was lock step with your “why is this guy still totally poor” pattern. I wanted to tell him he was a lunkhead (alas, I did not).
Today I sent him a link to better illustrate the point I tried to make yesterday. Coolness in how timely it is.
Next time I’m asked to help out, I’m just sending the person to this page instead.
Awesome Russ, so glad this helped :)
Super simple object lesson. Got my juices flowing how I appear to others. Will correct immediately. Thanks.
I think he needs a strong CTA or lead magnet if he’s strugglin that hard for leads.
“I’ll work for you for 1 day for FREE just to show you how kick ass I am.
TAP MY SHOULDER AND LET’S DO THIS!”
Though I understand the free angle, for most free = worthless? Race to the bottom? (Be careful, you might win). Maybe replace with ‘trial’ or some other word.
Hahahha…..I bet that would work, but I disagree on the free part.
“Tap me on the shoulder to ask me how I can save you money on your taxes”
Dude. U krack my head. Thats freaking awesome CTA
pretty good! I think you can take it next level by rewording it to be:
Can Work for YOU right now
—–
Do you need:
-Metal/Wood working?
-Welding?
Also Fluent:
Spanish, English and French
You will find me reliable / hardworking (former Army Sergeant)
A fast learner
What’s your next project?
Nice Tim!
So long as those main points get across, I believe people will get the gist.
My take:
“Skilled worker for half cost.
Save costs hiring smarter!
Do you need a metal/wood worker with twice the results?
As an army sargeant i’ve developed a working plan that cuts on wasted time.
Try me out for a month and see the results for yourself.”
“No one cares about you. They only care about themselves.”
Thanks for the reminder.
Yup, that’s directly from the Kopywriting Kourse :-)
Totally just used this picture a post about the Great Depression. Love you copywriting advice my dude. It keeps me pushing myself to become a better and better writer.
Awesome, more is coming too Mike!
I agree with everyone above. Awesome, straight-to-the-point, post. I still wouldn’t hire the guy though. haha
Hell no I wouldn’t hire this moocher!!
Plus, we don’t know WHO he fought for 3 years for!!!!
It might irk some employers to find out he was an Oberleutnant in the 2nd Panzer Division….
HAHHAHAHA….never thought about that!
Well, he can always claim that’s how it’s spelled in Spanish ;-)
Bahahhahah….yes, true!
Spelling mistakes improve conversion rates….didn’t you say that in the ‘kourse’ Neville?
I have a theory for why this is…if anybody’s interested…….
Spelling mistakes act like a punctuation mark on steroids.
When I’m reading some copy and I come across a spelling mistake it makes me stop to think about what the word should. Sometimes even re-read the whole paragraph to check it makes sense…From the copywriter’s point of view he/she is drilling their pitch into my head, helping me to engage with what they’ve writen, remember it, act on it.
NOT only that, it disarms people and makes them feel good about themselves, they’re the clever one, they spotted the ‘mistake’…….
…Thanks again for all the super interesting stuff dude :)
Take care.
Thank you for sharing this insight. I will no longer get annoyed when people correct the spelling mistakes of others. Instead, I can giggle at the whole thing, knowing they’ve been secretly engaged at a deeper level by the copywriter. It will be like an inside joke for me. Nice! :-).
Hahha…..I once told someone who kept correcting my stuff:
THE NUMBER OF SALES FROM AWESOME COPY: LOTS.
THE NUMBER OF SALES FROM CORRECT GRAMMAR: ZERO.
‘writen’ – saw that before your comment about finding the mitsake in your post. ;-}
Hey Wayne!
I don’t think I especially ENCOURAGE spelling mistakes, but there is definitely this counterintuitive thing that makes you stop and pay more attention when you see one.
Point in case: Mine WASN’T intentional, but it sure drew a helluva lot of attention!
Good stuff –
Thanks Jamey, hope you got something out of it
A hilarious presentation of the truth, as always :)!
hahah….it’s very true! I wish I could’ve seen this guy in person….I would’ve busted out a Sharpie and corrected him on the spot.
Awesome! :O)
Thanks JDR
Hahah this is good!
Thanks Osc!
It is a great lesson here. Many people use a Victim Role to try to get others to help them. It is a bad habit if you really want to thrive.
Agreed! I actually fired an otherwise talented person because of his overuse of Victimization and that ME mentality. I thought it was quite annoying. One thing you should always remember: it’s the employer’s CHOICE to pay you. So be make that choice easier for him. Giving you money to do something is no different from giving money to buy an iPad. Sell yourself and people WILL want to buy.
Yup, somehow they think “I HAVE TEN KIDS” is a benefit to someone.
It actually seems like more of a burden to bring someone like that on. Instead they need to flip what THEY can do for the employer.
Ahhhhh… the power of words ~ makes me smile! Great post Neville – glad I stumbled on your stuff :-)
Yes, words (aka communication) can make a huge difference of course.
Whether on a webpage or a sandwhich board
Wow! Love this, great text!
Thanks Sanja!
As long as the job doesn’t involve spelling :-)
Great example of getting out of the ME mindset. If, and I say if, he had a telephone then a telephone number would have been good too.
Hahaha….I love how my typo got the most attention :)
great post dude!
i really like this small “i´ll-show-you-everything-in-a-nutshell,-with-pictures” posts.
keep on rocking!
Thanks Lukas! I’ll do more for ya
Excellent point. Well demonstrated.
Question. Did you mean Army Sargent? If so it is spelt incorrectly letting the side down just a little. Kx
Trying sooooooooooo hard to resist pointing out that the word isn’t spelt sargent either……I guess I failed
No… it’s Army Seagent… A Gentleman of the Sea. Very important position. Real high level stuff.
Bahahah……I mispelled it mainly because I’m stupid :-)
Sergeant Neville, pay more attention!
Nev, i love that you misspelled it and your response!
When I was a kid I’d write little stories and proudly show them to my mom or sister. The response I would get was “Holly, how do you spell….” Obviously I didn’t know how to spell it so that’s a stupid question. Then their solution was for me to go try to look it up in the dictionary. Oh my god, that’s like sending a blind man into the forest to find truffles. :)
Thanks for all your great content! I really loved your book and hope to take your klass soon.
And Nev, you even misspelled “mispelled” :)
That reminds me of something that happened ten years ago or so.
Our son was checking the shopping list.
“Hahaha, did you see how Dad spelled ‘juice’?”
I went to check, and it was spelled “juice”.
“Yeah, why?”
“Erm… I’m not so sure now.”
I never discovered how my son spelled juice.
Grammarly!! It’s amazing will fix this for you… I’m the same – I tend to focus a lot more about connecting to the audience, getting the point across & the concept than the detail.
You’re a genius. Your approach would have landed him a job real quick. Thanks for the quick valuable lesson
Thank you Tony :)
No he’s not. The message wasn’t functioning as a resume but a political statement. How Neville missed this highlights his blinders.
I wonder how you know this. But even if it is the case..the copy lesson still stands.
You always need to tell people what is in it for them or they’re thoughts will be ‘So what?’.
Even in times of unemployment you can choose to see problems or opportunities.
“Coins” – you’re missing the point – this article teaches us ALL a valuable WIIFM copywriting lesson, whatever the spelling/typo/grammar police may say. Thanks Nev!
Seriously? You actually believe this guy didn’t want a job but all he aspired to do was to make a political statement?
But even so, what’s the statement? That somebody owes him something (a job?) because he’s got 3 kids, because he fought in the war, because he speaks three languages, because he’s skilled at three different trades?
No matter during what time in history there has always been unemployment, sometimes less, and sometimes more, but never ever have somebody been ‘owed’ something just because he’s a citizen of that country. At least not in the U.S.
It’s called capitalism. And I love it. It basically means that the more people you serve, the more money you can make. And it’s about trade; You can trade goods, you can trade services, or you can trade a service (your time) for money (i.e. get a job).
That’s what a free market place is all about. But, in a free market place you cannot sit on your ass thinking people will come up to you and offer you opportunities just because you’re a good person and/or have a great idea.
In order for you to prosper you need to SELL yourself and your idea.
Everybody talking about prostitution being the oldest profession in the world but it’s not true; What do you think made that possible in the first place? SALES.
Sales (marketing) is the oldest profession in the world and the MOST VALUABLE skill in the world bar none!
If you know how to SELL you’ll always be able to feed yourself and your family; Even in the worst of recessions and depressions.
And THAT’S what’s being taught here: How to sell with the written word; I.e. Copywriting…
I actually agree. I wouldn’t go so far as to say anything about blinders because NevMed probably ignored the circumstantial information to make a Kopy lesson out of it.
But yes, the guy was most probably part of an activist group that was demonstrating something about unemployment, somewhere. His goal was not to find a job that day but to illustrate the part about how he is “seemingly qualified” and yet doesn’t have a job.
I say seemingly qualified because this goes to a time when knowing more languages than one, serving one’s country and knowing more trades than one were the hallmarks of employed men providing for their families.
If he were at a job fair, however, NevMed’s Kopy would have gotten the guy a job when he was picking up his nametag at the door at 10am that morning.
Relevancy matters people.
But NevMed’s example is just too awesome to get hung up on spellings or what’s not relevant.
Thanks NevMededededed… *echos out*